Ignore any rumour that the BBC Radio Newcastle has asked its Durham CCC man Martin Emmerson to return to the Stadium of Light commentary box in place of Nick Barnes given the prospect of a cricket-style score in Sunderland’s final game of the season.
It’s a mischievously intriguing thought all the same.
Will runaway champions Wolverhampton Wanderers make a bucketload of runs through our slipshod field? Will the footballing equivalent of home wickets tumble? Or will SAFC rise from the Ashes, pass this final Test and Lushly Beat Wolves? Anyone saying they’re stumped for an answer shall be Out, Over, hit for a Sixer. There must be boundaries, not to mention Boycotts of irritating plays on words.
On which note Monsieur Salut shall pipe down and introduce the last prize Guess the Score of a season we’d mostly like to forget and Wolves fans will remember for ever.
Be first to get the scoreline right, post your prediction before Sunday’s kickoff, have a UK delivery address and you win a mug. That goes for Wolves supporters and neutrals too – just leave it to me to sort out the design of your prize. I might even stretch to a second prize for the comment containing the best cricketing pun.
Ha’way the Lads, many doubtless on show in our colours for the very last time. And here’s to a brighter future.
As most of the sensible scores seem to have gone, I’ll go for a 2-3 win for Wolves. Even if they literally don’t turn up, let alone be on the beach, we’d probably still concede goals.
As for cricketing puns, I can think of some, but nothing anywhere near being on a par with the Radio 3 Test Match Special team (RIP). So I won’t bother. However their commentary of the match would probably be brilliant.
The Lads to win 2-1 as we pull up stumps for this season.
4-0 to Sunderland
Almost!
No Extras here and my entry doesn’t count anyway.
I may well be deprived the dubious pleasure of listening to our farewell defeat (via Barnes & Benno) as my wife will drop pretence at knowing nowt about football and say ‘you’re down, what does it matter?’. So I will miss a hearteningly annoying 3-1 home win but maybe enjoy the beach
A surprise return for Milton Nunez, who with two short legs will be the third man out of the dressing room. He will provide extra cover on the bench, in what promises to be a real test. Cattermole will be dopped after making the silly point that it’ll just be a run out for the Wolves and as we have no manager the crowd could be the twelfth man. After the game O’Shea announces his retirement but declares he’s had a good innings.
After the inevitable 3-1 defeat, Stockdale and Ball try to put a positive spin on events but get caught out when asked if Ellis Short did right to walk.
Meanwhile, off the pitch I call off my Boycott and next year will again make the slog to the SOL to see the team sweep all before them, with only a couple of slips as we witness a reverse swing in our results.
I think Wolves will be on the beach and we won’t lose. I’m going for a 1-0 win.
Us 2 – 2 Them
Cats out for a duck as Wolves hit them for six.
3-3 to the lads
We go out with a whimper, and Wolves with a bang.
Sunderland 1 Wolves 2
Personally, I think we will end up with a load of ‘no balls’ so
Sunderland 0 – 2 Wolves, as they take it easy on us.
Could it be 20 – 20? Hopefully it will be not be rained off like DCCCs last match at Northampton. Will our midfield be soggy? Will John O’Shea resort to a bit of ball tampering a la Steve Smith? Will Nick Barnes report that we are getting balls into the box? Will Jason Steele need to wear a helmet? Will Paul Collingwood be there? Can we have an IPL style timeout after 60 minutes? Will all our efforts on goal be called wide? Will our players run out of steam? Will Alan Donald’s long lost relative Stewart sit with the fans? Can we burn the goals after the match to create an alternative Ashes? Will it end in a boring low scoring draw as many cricket matches do? Probably, therefore a repeat of Molineux 0 – 0.
2-0
It has to happen.
Asoro, 12 minutes
McNair, 85 mins
Wolves to hit the bar 3 times and to miss a penalty