Soapbox: Crouch, Wenger and other transfer deadline duds

It’s all over until January and, says Pete Sixsmith, thanks heavens for that. But first he takes a measured look at the idiocies, bargains and eyebrow-raising gambles of transfer deadline day …

See also: Velkommen to Sunderland, Nicklas Bendtner – whatever Abbey Clancy thinks of it

So, the Belarus programme seller decided to forego St Mirren and remain at Dinamo Minsk, the Costa Rican being pursued by Alan Pardew opted for Thameside rather than Tyneside and Peter Crouch overtook Jan Koller as the player most-linked-with but never–signed-by Sunderland.

Instead, we got the usual SSN hysteria package, which apparently included genial grey haired Scots anchor (feel free to insert w in front) Jim White arriving at Sky Sports studios to host the last segment of their exhaustive and exhausting coverage.

When this happens, you know that the world has gone mad – but there was plenty of other evidence.

Arsène Wenge, the great planner and plotter, goes as loopy as a newly retired teacher with his pension pot and blows a fortune on players he would not ordinarily look at.

Arteta could have been signed earlier for much less as I believe Everton were so broke that they would have taken 20 Co-op milk tokens and an ESPN subscription in order to cut the wage bill. Interesting to note that Beckford went to Leicester; they actually got money for him.

The Prof also bought a German centre half who appears to be as mobile as the Brandenburg Gate, a Brazilian full back who has been playing in Turkey and a South Korean forward who isn’t a patch on the one we signed – I hope. Oh, and Benayoun, another midfield player out of the Joe Cole, Scott Parker stable of totally overrated London based players.

Saggy Harry had a frustrating day as well, although he did palm off a number of players to the Premier League level that we aspire to.

Presumably the Crouch move to Stoke included unlimited rail tickets (first class of course) back to Hertfordshire. It’s also a funny move for Stoke, who have been very canny and astute in the market in the past, usually signing younger players. Crouch is 30, cost £10m and that is money they will never get back – unless @Arry Boy signs him again in January.

Hutton, Jenas, Bentley, Palacios all left and the only one they brought in was London Golden Boy Scottie Parker. Well, he almost single-handedly saved West Ham last season and is clearly a cross between Roy Race and Pele if the London based reporters are to be believed.

The Mags failed to sign the forward they seem to need and with one of their reserves on his way to a spell at Her Majesty’s Pleasure, they are looking a wee bit short there. The helicopter was not needed to fly anyone in or out for that matter, so they still have the likes of Alan Smith cluttering up the place.

As for us, I hope the Bendtner deal comes off. His scoring record is decent, he knows Bruce, Black and Larsson from his Birmingham days and he should be keen to do well. Hopefully he can forge a partnership (as we say) with Gyan that may put the smile back on the Ghanaian’s face and produce a few goals before the clocks go back.

Goodbye to Anton Ferdinand who frustrated the life out of me, but showed a genuine commitment to the club and the fans. Life at QPR should be interesting, with characters like Barton, Dyer and Neil Warnock there. I am sure that he will be as well received as Jordan Henderson was when we play them on whatever date Sky decide to have the game.

Which brings me to the change of date for the Arsenal game. I can’t see any footballing reason for it. Arsenal have a CL game on the 19th in Marseille, so I can only assume that Sky have made a choice and jettisoned their original game for that day, whatever it was.

No consolation for those who have bought rail tickets for the Saturday and who, once again, are left disenfranchised by a game that cares too little for those who watch it.