The Birflatt Boy: he’s no Cool Catt this one

Didn’t (doesn’t) the Sunday Sun have a column by one Mr Angry? Well, it seemed time Salut! Sunderland had one, too. Ours will take a different name – see above – but the spluttering anger will be undiluted. Where better to start than with our recalcitrant card-loving midfielder? The stage belongs to Birflatt Boy ….

Cattermole!, Cattermole! Cattermole! Why do you keep kicking people up in the air, Cattermole?

Depending on your point of view, this lad’s either a little bit over enthusiastic, or he’s a complete nutter.

Which one is it? He’s about as controlled as one of Saddam Hussein’s Scud missiles, and as likely to wreak havoc in his own ranks as he does with the opposition. Come to think of it, the passing of the “Tackling Time Bomb” are about as accurate as Saddam’s outdated armaments. All over the parish!

This lad has a terrible disciplinary record and he just doesn’t seem to be able to help himself. Is he a nasty piece of work or just a fool.

The Yarm Yobbo was trying to get the ball from Hugo Rodallega on Saturday, but he was just reckless when he did it. Does that make him a nutter? Nowt so likely!

Whatever the reason for ‘No Cool Catt’s” kamikaze challenges which are as wild as South Shields Legion on a Christmas Eve, it has to stop.

The big question is, how can Steve Bruce put an end to this madness. He can start by taking the captain’s armband off him. The Sunderland Echo (lamely following Salut! Sunderland‘s halftime report! – ed) thinks that’s a starting point.

Brucey can fine him a couple of weeks wages, or he can sack him. Show him the door! The case for failing to carry out his duties properly and appropriately has to apply to footballers in the same way that they would apply to the average bloke in the street.

If you were having a bathroom fitted and the plumber didn’t connect the pipes up properly and you came home to find the place flooded, you wouldn’t be very happy and neither would the firm that paid his wages. He’s costing the company their reputation and affecting their profit margin. Same applies to the Teesside Terror.

The “Uncool Catt” should have his contract terminated before he causes any more damage. He’s a total liability and there’s no place for him at Sunderland.

It’s down to Bruce to stand up to this wassock and get him slung out the exit door! As somebody has already said, it could only be worse if he started knocking the ball in his own net. It’s time for action Brucey lad!

2 thoughts on “The Birflatt Boy: he’s no Cool Catt this one”

  1. 6 million quid we’ve paid for this faulty machine Tom. He’s always been an aggressive sort of player. That was the main reason a lot of us were pleased when he was signed. That’s all very well but he’s turned out to be a complete loon.

    Apart from the fact that he’s a whack job he doesn’t seem to have what it takes to be a decent player. Terrible passing, and a gallower’s first touch. Big question for you Tom and in fact for all Salut readers. Can this fellah be rehabilitated? I ask the question,m because he hasn’t learnt a single thing from last year’s cards. I don’t get as many cards for Christmas as he collects from referees, and he seems even worse this season!

    I reckon Steve Bruce should have him down the local supermarket packing shopping and taking old people home with their shopping in his car. He needs to realise the privilege that he’s got and to understand there’s some responsibility that comes with it.

    I’d just like to see John M back in the team Tom. The man is a fabulous player. Without a doubt one of the finest in the world in his position. I would very much like to see him play there against the Gunners. Riveros fitted in nicely when he came on and also deserves a run. Another very talented boy.

  2. …..or SB could take a major potential asset out of the firing line for a short period of time during which he would be given intensive training on how to channel his aggression into fair challenges. Extending the company analogy, promising young scientists/engineers/managers/medics etc generally receive intensive training to increase their value to the organisation, why not in Premiership football?
    In the meantime, try Mensah as the holding midfielder in front of Bramble and Turner.

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