Wrinkly Pete’s SOS Post Southampton: all is not lost

Peter Lynn, aka Wrinkly Pete

John McCormick writes: One good forward turns up against us and we collapse? We have Lukaku up next. I’m still going, I’ve told Pete Sixsmith we’ll win 2-0.

Sixer’s not the only Pete. There’s also Peter Lynn, aka Wrinkly Pete.

When he began calculating how the rest of the season would go, he concluded that 37 points would be enough for survival – and that we’d get them [it might be worth checking out the odds by taking advantage of this Bwin bonus popular among European clients – Ed].

This then, is his Captain’s Log, stardate, God knows when, as we boldly go with him on his journey into the unknown:

I’m sending out an S O S, ‘cos I’m in so much distress”

So sang Edwin Starr in his hit song “Stop Her On Sight” and I am hoping that I will not feel the same as I begin my four hour drive home, post match on Saturday.

If David Moyes, pre match on Saturday, can get his team to realise that this is “War”, another of Starr’s hits, then we might get a win and make a further small (?) step towards safety.

Just in case, and assuming we get no points from the Stoke game, I set out below my personal plan for what we will then need to achieve, game by game, to avoid relegation. This, of course, does assume that those teams presently languishing at the bottom with us do not exceed our achievements.

Well, we have not even broken sweat (yes, including some of our players) and my prediction is bang on course. We have nil points from the Stoke game and, having exited the FA cup, will be able to rest up prior to the Spurs home game. I do try to enjoy the experience of following The Lads and can sometimes appreciate the bizarre events that I witness in so doing. As examples from the Stoke game, not only did the South Stand set a new record for earliest mass exit but our players were not stupid in the second half. They knew that if they annoyed Stoke too much they would be properly smacked (are you still allowed to type that?). How else could you explain Rodwell’s miss? Speaking of the mass exit, the crowd gaps that I refer to were filled by the time of the second half restart. As my namesake Peter Kay would say “What was that all about?” Did the exiteers all need an early wee? Were the gates opened at half time as in days of old and free loaders filled the gaps? I prefer to think the exiteers heard the crowd greet Defoe’s goal and still had enough belief to reclaim their seats. Which ever I am glad. If we expect fight from our players, we must support them.

On Saturday I will be at The Hawthorns hoping for a victory. I would rather that than a draw and wonder if I have magical powers and should have laid a bet on “my plan”.

Wrinkly Pete 19/1/17

Jan 21 WBA (a) Draw. A tough demand at a ground where we don’t traditionally do well.

When I offered M. Salut to do an update of this article after each game, I hadn’t thought I would have Coldplay’s “Scientist” lyrics buzzing through my head “nobody said it was easy – no one ever said it would be this hard”. However, a deal is a deal, and in fact writing this is just like watching Sunderland. The match itself will have been covered elsewhere so I will just reference a couple of things I witnessed. Firstly, the team’s performance could be summed up in that shown by Djilobodji who began the game firing accurate 50 yard passes and ended it throwing punches. Secondly, Honeyman’s efforts showed what can be achieved and, judging by their praise of him, how generous our loving supporters are.

Regarding our support, a bit like “Billydodgy’s” but in reverse. They started singing that they wished Stephen Taylor was dead (can we move on please?) but quickly replaced the “we’re f—ing sh—“ with the more prosaic “You’re not that good, we lose every week”

So, we are only one point short on my prediction and some other under achievers have been good enough to keep us company over the weekend. However, we will need a whole team with Honeyman’s attitude and 100% from our home crowd for 90+ minutes in order to get the win against Spurs.

Wrinkly Pete 23/1/17

Jan 31 Spurs (h) Win. Spurs will have played in the FA cup 4th round a few days previously, we will have rested, having lost the upcoming Burnley replay.


Ok, so we didn’t get the win I predicted, although we should have if (a) Borini had scored when through on goal, or (b) wins were determined by attitude. It was a pleasure to be there last night.

IF we can maintain that level of performance EVERY game, we could stay up – with more than 37 points.

I would ask our fans to stay to the final whistle. Again last night they were streaming out on 87 minutes. Where are they going that arriving 5 minutes later would ruin? Our players put in a really gutsy performance against a superb team. Was that not worthy of applauding them off the field? My travelling group faced a four hour drive home and did so. In fact our journey this time started in January and didn’t finish until a month later!!

Keep the faith.

Wrinkly Pete 1/2/17

Feb 4 Palace (a) Draw. Big Sam will still be struggling to improve things.

How could I have been so wrong? Not only was my prediction of the result wrong but elsewhere on this website I forecast that PvA would score at both ends and be culpable for our other two goals in a 3-3 draw. So the only tiny success for my prophesying was PvA’s foul which conceded the free kick from which we scored our first goal. Hey ho!

I will also hope to be wrong on Saturday. I won’t say more – just in case!

By this point, my predictions would have gained us an additional five points. The reality is that we have gained four points so we are a single point down but I think there are other things to take into account looking at where we were just over three weeks ago. Firstly, we have stayed in touch with the other teams “in the basement” and in fact have been joined by others so that now the bottom six are spread across only two points. Secondly, we have lost a left back who announced that he didn’t want to play for us and couldn’t defend and got a left back who can defend plus a load of money. Thirdly, we have got two other new players, Gibson and Lescott who not only want to play but most importantly want to play for David Moyes. To appreciate the significance of this latter point, you only have to look at Jack Rodwell’s performances now compared to those under previous management. Let us hope that his hamstring injury is only slight.

Thus, we still have a mountain to climb but haven’t fallen off!

Sing your hearts out on Saturday. You can make the difference.

Wrinkly Pete. 6/2/17

Feb 11 S’ton (h) Lose. In typical SAFC fashion, one we should win we don’t.

Was it all my fault?  predicted the loss based on experiencing so many false dawns over the years following The Lads – although I secretly hoped that Southampton would have one eye on their cup final appearance and we might get something! No, on reflection I don’t think I am to blame, especially after reading the excellent comments that follow Pete Sixsmith’s latest match report. I think that we were simply not good enough in most positions. When we raise our game, for example against Spurs, when we knew we had to, then we can just about compete. If we fall behind, our already fragile confidence completely disappears.

Despite the raw feeling I have inside as I type this, all is not lost. We are still in touch with other strugglers and we have better players to return from injury to improve the side and the spirit.

Keep the faith.

Wrinkly Pete, 13/2/17

Feb 25 Everton (a) Draw. We bounce back. Well, a partial bounce.

Mar 4 Man C (h) Win. The crowd inspire an unlikely victory.

Mar 11 Boro (a) Lose. As with the Southampton game, we fail to maintain a revival.

Mar 18 Burnley (h) Win. Burnley are distracted by their forthcoming FA cup semi-final appearance.

Apr 1 Watford (a) Draw. A battling performance by Cattermole on his comeback from injury inspires the rest of the team to a 0-0 result.

Apr 4 Leics (a) Lose. Leicester get the three points they need to avoid the drop, avoiding the shame that they would have suffered as relegated champions.

Apr 8 Man U (h) Lose. The shrinking violet that is Mourinho finally gets his team playing like Chelski and Ibrahimavich is unplayable.

Apr 15 West Ham (h) Win. We get revenge with a 1-0 win in the 94th minute.

Wrinkly Pete.

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