Who are you? We’re N*w*a*t*e (2)

The sort of goal every striker dreams of scoring. SuperKev scored it, against Newcastle in the rain as we swept to the first of those memorable 2-1 wins at St James’ Park. But Alan Sims will tell you it was a lucky shot, that only the wet stopped the Mags securing a well deserved victory. Even a visitor from Mars will have gathered by now that Alan is a Mag. the first part of his extraordinarily long homage to Kevin Keegan’s circus appeared in Who are you? We’re N*w*a*t*e (1). These are his answers to Salut! Sunderland‘s questions. He threatens to write a zillion more words if NUFC win on Sunday

What did you think of our respective clubs’ prospects before season started?

I thought Sunderland would get relegated (though in Roy Keane I felt they had a chance of battling and bruising their way to a more glorious exit than in previous years). I thought Newcastle, under Big Sam, with his 24-support staff and scientific approach, would get into Europe.

When did you last see a SAFC v NUFC game home or away, and what happened? Any other memorable games between us? Were you there when Gary Rowell scored three at St James’ Park, for that promotion playoff semi final or for either of the Premier League 2-1 wins for us?

Last saw a game, as already mentioned, this year. It was tough. But worst game of my life was when Sunderland beat us 4-1 at Newcastle back in the days when Bill McGarry was our manager. It’s the only game where I have walked out before the end. I am constantly reminded, by a Mackem I work with (who calls me Geordie scum) of the last 2-1 win for Sunderland when we had Shearer and Duncan Ferguson on the bench and were beaten by a lucky shot** from Kevin Phillips. It was the rain that beat us that day.

Have you been to the Stadium of Light. If so what did you make of it? What do you think of Sunderland itself? What about Roker Park?

The Stadium of Light is – I must admit – very impressive. It’s just a pity the stands are pointing the wrong way. Sunderland is like its football team – a crock of SH**, although I used to go there as a young man and try to get off with the girls in the dance halls. The girls are better than the footballers. Roker Park had great atmosphere. I have to admit one blemish on my past. I actually went with a mate one time to watch Jim Baxter play for Sunderland cos I thought he was so good. I also thought Charlie Hurley was the business. But all this stuff about Jimmy Montgomery leaves me cold. He was so blind they had to put a bell in the ball so he could hear it coming.

What about the signings each club has made?

Jones is massive, don’t know or care about any of the others. Newcastle made excellent signings in Beye and Viduka (when he can be bothered to get his fat Aussie butt into gear he’s the best) and Barton (if we can keep him out of jail).

Your predictions for both clubs for rest of season

Both stay up, Newcastle above Sunderland, partly thanks to the tonking
we’re going to give you at St James.

Do you regard Sunderland much as we regard Newcastle? Or are you more grown-up about such things?

I’m more grown up about such things.

Memories of players and/or management linked to both clubs? Lee Clark, Chopra, Moncur, Stokoe, Shack, Waddle spring to mind directly but there are many more.

Still love Lee Clark cause his heart stayed at Newcastle – and his in-laws refused to let him in their house after he switched. He came back in the end. Chopra you can keep. Moncur is still a Geordie. Shack is an insult but one of the best players to grace a field. As I said earlier my thanks mostly for Stan Anderson, a true gentleman footballer and great professional.

* Club vs country. Who wins for you?

CLUB, in capitals.

Who will win? Score? How will you keep tabs on the game?

Newcastle 4 (Owen 2, Viduka, Martins) Sunderland 2 (Jones 2). I am watching this one on TV. Unfortunately can’t get to the match.

1 thought on “Who are you? We’re N*w*a*t*e (2)”

  1. “Geordie scum….” Yeah, that sounds about right. Though other than that, Alan’s quite a lovely guy. No worries about another zillion words dripping from his prolific, if misguided, pen after this weekend. I suspect he’ll be very quiet indeed. But next time you revisit Salut! North, Colin (the dark-haired beauty is getting a little long in the tooth), perhaps you might invite Alan to take his underpants off his head and recall the time he tried out for the illustrious Bishop Auckland XI. And you thought the only Two Blues he’d ever been near was that lousy pub on Woodhouse estate…..

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