Soapbox: the January transfer window – board it up!

Football clubs up and down the land are setting out their stalls for the January sales, and looking around in the hope of snapping up bargains of their own. Pete Sixsmith would cheerfully save them all the bother. It’s all enough to make him toy with the attractions of Shildon at home instead of the FA Cup this weekend …

So, the eagerly anticipated transfer window has opened at last. Excuse me while I yawn, while Sky Sports News presenters have 28 days of collective orgasms as they break the news that Gillingham have signed a Spurs Reserve who not even Harry Redknapp has heard of and while tons and tons of newsprint are wasted on “exclusive” stories that turn out to be so exclusive that they are pure fiction.

Fans’ message boards will be full of sightings at railway stations, training grounds and airports and that well known figure “a mate of mine who knows a bloke whose dog was once run over by the brother of (insert players name here) tells me he is signing for Dagenham and Redbridge – possibly”.

The madness has already started. Managers have been sacked because chairmen/owners do not trust them to waste, sorry spend, money in January. Most of the sackings have been near at the bottom of leagues, but there are also clubs run by idiots/savants/the naive (Blackburn Rovers) who want to splash the cash themselves.

I read this morning that Rovers are “in talks” with Ronaldinho’s representatives in Brazil. It’s not the manager who is talking to them, but Venky’s Brazilian office. The hilarious prospect of a fading super star pitching up at Ewood Park in the middle of winter to play alongside a team of water carriers, labourers and charmers like Chimbonda and ElHadj Diouf is a train crash waiting to happen.

Elsewhere, the Beckham situation is grabbing the (limited) attention of football writers. Will he go to Spurs? Does Harry want him? What about him becoming a member of the Geordie Nation for three months? Could he cut the mustard at Blackburn?

A far bigger question is “Who the hell cares?”

Beckham is 36, has played in a poor league for the last three years, is finished with international football, and people still think he could be the missing link in Spurs Championship hopefuls. Piltdown Man (another notable fake) would do better.

What about us? Well, we probably need one player to settle the team. I imagine Charles N’Zogbia will have his agent’s minions trying to squeeze a decent deal out of any club in the Premier League that plays in front of decent crowds, doesn’t begin with a W and is managed by a man who has given up lager and pork pies.

Our record in the January window is mixed. Since we became involved in it in 2007, we have had a fair mixture of good, average, and downright bloody awful.

Mick McCarthy brought Rory Delap to the club when we were on the way down with 15 points, and poor Rory rarely had a chance to shine before being shipped off to Stoke.

Roy Keane had a great first January window. In came Carlos Edwards, one of my favourite players of the last 10 years. He will never be forgotten for those stunning goals at Southampton and at home to Burnley; 10 out of 10 for this one, Roy.

We also got Anthony Stokes, who looked as if he might be a good one – but wasn’t, Stern John, who did a decent job for us and Jonny Evans, who looked a world beater.

The next year, in the Premier League, he got two out of three right. Evans came back and settled the defence, Phil Bardsley signed on and is now one of the most popular players at the club and there was er, Rada Prica.

He is a prime example of the idiocy of the January window. He wasn’t a bad player, but he was no more suited to the way that we played under Keane than I would be in the pipe-smoking, bridge-playing common room of a public school. It was an awful signing and cost us a lot of money. Some would say that Keane lost his ability to spot players after that – Chimbonda, Diouf and the injury prone Tainioare all good indicators.

Ricky Sbragia used his window to get the malevolent influence of two of those out of the club and probably saved us from imploding. He brought in Tal Ben Haim and Callum Davenport, both decent players who did their best as we struggled to stay up.

Last year we coughed up £2m for Matthew Kilgallon, which does not count as money well spent as a) he is not a Premier League player and b) he has a bad back. Mind you, we palmed Nyron off onto Sheffield United, so I suppose that was decent business. We also took Benjani on loan; his “performance” for Blackburn on Saturday makes any comment of mine superfluous.

For this window, we may let one or two go. Andy Reid, Paulo da Silva, Kilgallon, are all probably surplus to requirements and may well be looking for permanent deals away from the Stadium. Angeleri’s 10 minute cameo on Saturday was reminiscent of Dick Malone at his worst, but like Super Dick, he may well come good and guide us to FA Cup glory.

Talking of which,I have a dilemma on Saturday as Shildon are due to play Coalvile Town in the FA Vase. Should I go to the Stadium for what could be a dull game against Notts County or decamp to Dean Street for what could be a thriller? Dear readers, I await your advice with eager anticipation.

8 thoughts on “Soapbox: the January transfer window – board it up!”

  1. Just got to have my tenpennorth here .
    I’m from Blyth and who can forget that amazing FA cup run in 1978 !!!!!!!! I went to every round that year – including the amazing 3 – 2 away win at Stoke – A Stoke side that had Howard Kendal and Garth Crooks . In fact if it had not been for referee Alf Gray !!!!!!!!!!! at the away match at Wrexham ; who awarded a corner to Wrexham when it was clearly a goal kick , from which they subsequently scored an equaliser to set up a replay at St James Park , we would have been in the quarter finals . A remarkable achievement – ; still the replay at St James – never , ever been in an atmosphere like it – there must have been 10,000 locked outside the ground too . I doubt we will ever see a non league team go as close to a FA Cup quarter final again !!!

  2. It’s not a waste of time, Matty. I seem to enjoy Northern League football as much, if not more, than Premier League. Although not tonight, when the referee called off Tow Law v Consett at 7.00p.m. with a half decent crowd waiting to get in.
    I will be at Sunderland on Saturday and hope that the Shildon v Coalville game is put back another week.

  3. The last time I saw Shildon play in a cup tie was in 1945 when they were beaten by Spennymoor United (Durham Challenge Cup). Don’t waste your time.

  4. If Les Bradd, Notts County’s record goalscorer – and the competition there goes back longer than that at any other professional club – can make the effort to be there (see the Who Are You? later this week), so must Pete. Probably just as well he won’t be playing; he knocked us out of the league cup once.

  5. Many people are not fans of the January transfer window largely down to the tendency for managers to panic buy and end up with a sub standard, expensive “solution” to a problem position. I think the window is a good idea for 2 reasons
    ; it gives clubs who can’t afford to go out and splash mega bucks a bit of protection.

    ; it makes managers think ahead and plan their squads accordingly based on how they want their team to play.
    I think we need a proper winger I would say buy Elmo in the summer for sure, but we need a quick winger who can play on either flank and can pitch in with a few goals. If we could get Morton Gamst Pedersen for a good price I think it would be a good bit of business.

  6. As I filled the old briar with Ogden’s Nut Flake and bid 3 No Trumps I said to the chaps in the remove “What shall it be? The joys of seeing the Lads beat the Magpies (the original ones) or join Old Sixer watching Shildon triumph in the Vase!”

    “No contest Fat Owl!” came the cries from the dorm, “you have to be there for the first of the victories that will see those Red and White coves finally land the most famous knock out trophy in the World for the first time in 38 years.”

    Even as I write, Dawson minor is off to the SoL ticket office.

    Despite living only 4 miles from the No Horse town that is Coalville I shall have to give their demise a miss after the weather put paid to my original plan of Shildon Saturday, SoL Sunday. Just like last year when I ended up at Portsmouth instead of Stotfold I can’t be in two places at once.

    Hopefully this year though I won’t watch the Lads defend like no idea schoolkids and we will go through!

  7. Pete – there’s no decision to make, you large fool. Sunderland or Shildon – hmmm that’s a toughie! Go to the SOL and witness the first round of our cup winning season!

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