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We can all envisage the nightmare scenario at 10 to six on Sunday: the scores stand at Aston Villa 1 Newcastle 1 … Hull 0 Man United 1 … Sunderland 0 Chelsea 5.
Suddenly, three last-second penalties are awarded: to Hull, the Mags and us. You can work out the rest: Cisse sends the goalie the wrong way but hits the post, Hull survive on equal goal difference, but more scored, and the Mags climb above us.
Pete Sixsmith, disconsolate and angry after last night’s shambles at Fratton Park, actually thinks it will be even more clear cut. His seven-word verdict last night did not have the defensive horror show “threatens” relegation but “means relegation”; only my editing made it less pessimistic;. Similarly, there was no question mark in his suggested headline for this piece. What follows is not for the faint hearted …

When I started doing these pieces 18 months ago, Colin said he wanted thoughtful and reflective articles, done after the din of battle had died away and there was time to take a long view. You could work out your emotions, positive and negative, and give a balanced and calm verdict on what you had seen, thereby enabling readers all over the world to get the considered view from the world’s greatest football club.

Well ******** to that.

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So what is Djibril feeling this morning? Anguish at Olympique de Marseille’s spectacular failure last night – losing 3-1 at home to Lyon (see it below) and now looking unlikely French champions – or a told-you-so thought or two about OM’s stupidity in not having kept him to be sure of success?

Amid the debris of OM’s weekend, I came across the name of Anthony Le Tallec, who scored twice for Le Mans in their game against OM’s rivals for the title, Bordeaux. Le Mans still lost 3-2 and remain a bit like us, nervously looking over their shoulders at the bottom three places.

But Le Tallec – pictured at the French football blog Pleine Lucarne – obviously has something we saw little of at Sunderland since he also got a goal for Le Mans a few weeks ago against Lyon. I stand to be corrected* but remember only one for us (against Fulham in our solitary home win when we last went down); three in a month or so against top three sides, albeit in France, suggests a man who knows where the goal is.

* And have just been corrected. At the Blackcats forum, Terry McLoughlin tells me he scored three League goals, one FA Cup goal and one League Cup goal for us. Mick Gouldings adds: “Actually, I believe he was top scorer, or joint top scorer for us for the season, with something like 4, 5 or 6 goals – most of which were in the League Cup.”

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Stranger things have happened in football than both Hull and the Mags winning next week and us not. So can we for once forget resting incautious hopes on combinations of last-day results going our way? Think back over Sunderland’s history and you’ll quickly see why the question is asked. The Lads owe it to us to beat Pompey tomorrow and achieve safety on their own merits. Pete Sixsmith found a way to cope with the tension …

What do you do at this stage of the season when we are playing on the Monday and there are three important games taking place on the Saturday? One friend took off to Bath for a University reunion, others began a three day booze-a-thon in Hampshire and the Isle of Wight, while Jonah stayed at home to bite his finger nails to the knuckle.

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… to Fulham, Villa and Bolton for doing all we would have wanted.

15 Portsmouth 36 -20 38
16 Sunderland 36 -17 36
17 Hull 37 -24 35
18 Newcastle 37 -18 34
19 Middlesbrough 37 -28 32
20 West Brom 36 -29 31

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Today’s edition of The National, Abu Dhabi carries, as the cover story on Sport, the fruits of some work of mine on this season’s revival of Olympique de Marseille. For OM, a bit like for us, but at a different end of our respective leagues, a lot depends on this weekend’s results.

If OM win tomorrow against Lyon, champions for the past seven seasons but effectively out of the race, they’ll be on course for their own first title since the 1992-93 one was taken from them over corruption allegations.

If they lose or draw, and Bordeaux take three points tonight, it will start looking more like second place for them; today starts with the two clubs level on points and very close on goal difference.

Pete Sixsmith challenged me to get Djibril Cisse into the piece and since I had 2,000 words to play with and Cisse is deeply associated with OM, and indeed on loan to us from them, that was hardly a problem.

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News of a prize. Maybe even prizes. No Sunderland supporter, however, need apply. More of that later today.

In the meantime, we have the weekend to tell us just how important Portsmouth v Sunderland will be on Monday night.

But even if the Mags, Boro, West Brom and Hull all lose, we cannot go into the game at Fratton Park thinking defeat won’t matter.

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Pete Sixsmith finds chinks of light in what others see as a dark season for the North East. He may find another if the Mags still contrive to go down. ..

At professional level, we would all agree that the North East has had a miserable season. On a scale of miserable it can only be surpassed by the misery exuded by MPs who have been told to pay back their swimming pool, horse manure and broken toilet seats allowances.

Three Premier League clubs struggling, Hartlepool only safe because Northampton imploded and Darlington in administration and probably liquidation. Not a great record for the self styled “Hotbed of Football”. Arthur Appleton will be rotating in his grave!

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Last season was obviously a massive game for us as if we hadn’t won that we’d have found it very difficult to stay up.

So I think it helped us that you were safe by then and seemed to have started summer early.

This season, as you say, things are the other way round with you desperate for the points whilst we now look all but safe. Whether we’ll have taken our foot of the gas remains to be seen as we’ve yet to actually pass the 40 point mark but I wouldn’t expect us to put in such a flat performance that you’ll come and just take the points. I think if you’re going to leave with three points you’re going to have to work for them.

And now for the questions:

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