Keir’s Ghostly Player Ratings: Sunderland’s men of the match at Southampton

From Len Shackleton's autobiography (with David Jack), Clown Prince of Soccer?
From Len Shackleton’s autobiography (with David Jack), Clown Prince of Soccer?

What would Keir Bradwell
, our marks-out-of-10 columnist, make of it? One reader, Bill, said Seb Larsson was the only player whose head failed to drop: ‘I would say he was [our] Man of the Match and give him a 5, so Keir will probably give him -5.’ One newspaper had Santiago Vergini on 1.5/10, Vito Mannone on 2/10 and other team members on three or four, a shamefully low set of ratings for a top-flight side.

Here is the answer. It reveals either the justifiable anger of a supporter of any age or the impetuosity of youth, as you prefer, and draws for inspiration on the great Shack.

I shall quote Keir’s e-mail in its entirety:

Sorry about the lack of an attachment this week, I’ve copied and pasted them in below instead. Here it is:

Southampton 8 – 0 Sunderland: Player Ratings
I have decided, after some consideration, to put as much effort into this week’s player ratings as the players put into the game against Southampton. Here they are: keir1

All the best,


10 thoughts on “Keir’s Ghostly Player Ratings: Sunderland’s men of the match at Southampton”

  1. A superb response from Keir; witty and educated.

    As for Marriner;I’m afraid the heaviness of the defeat conveniently deflected the criticism he should have had.

  2. It wasn’t Marriner that conceded 8 goals Bill. We managed that without his “help.”

    It’s no good pointing the finger at the admittedly inept referee. There are no excuses and nobody else is to blame.

    Yes it should have been a penalty, and Marriner is a crap referee, but that’s really not the issue here.

  3. Why has no one mentioned the person who is really to blame for this debacle?
    I know that players shouldn’t give up halfway through a game, but try and put yourself in the place of the Sunderland team. They know that Andre Marriner is always biased against us (a groan must go round the entire club everytime that he is announced as the referee), so they go into the game knowing that the ref is going to do his best to make sure that we get nothing from the game. Already they are on a downer, but, for ten minutes or so we are the better team. Then two awful mistakes gift Southampton two goals, players begin to feel that it is not their day, then Andre strikes, that was the critical point, everyone else in the entire world said “Penalty” but not Andre!!
    That was when certain players gave up, and although we can say that they shouldn’t have it is understandable. Uncharacteristic howlers from Vito then contributed to the hopelessness that was spreading throughout the team.
    When is Andre Marriner going to be investigated for his obvious bias against us?

  4. I thought it was Cloughie’s satire of football Chairmen….Keir, fret not…abstention is a political act….the result, as bad as it was, leaves us 3 points off Europe

  5. I am going to credit Keir with the gift of irony, as I did – accurately, I believe – when he gave Jozy 10/10 for having scored. The image of the blank page and the sign-off from him were added by me

    I think it’s a not a bad gag. 7/10!

  6. Keir’s opinion and its as valid as anyone else’s . How could he or any one of us make sense of what had happened , it was just ridiculous and if it wasn’t a freak one off we are in trouble . We shall see .

  7. So are we dropping you aswell keir? Will you be reimbursing us avid readers?? Poor efforts by our football team is bad enough, but when our so-called ‘friendly’ journalists can’t be arsed to make some effort, it is a bad sign!
    Disappointed Dave

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