Sixsmith says: Something for the weekend, sir?

Pete Sixsmith: toasting another season in the Premiership
Pete Sixsmith: toasting another season in the Premiership

John McCormick writes:

There are a quite a few posts and comments coming in as we enter the last week of a tumultuous season. They are all good but this one, from Pete Sixsmith, is a cracker. It contains words of warning to the manager, suggestions for a pre-match warm up, and lots of memories.

Not to mention a little bit of gloating.

Over to Pete:


Those time-honoured words, whispered by barbers to mature customers, also relate to those of us going on the jolly jaunt to Vicarage Road on Sunday for what could be an interesting afternoon. The Hornets (Watford not Rochdale) have opted not to renew Quique Sanchez Flores’s contract, i.e. they have sacked him, so the mood amongst the home support may be rather flat. He is the seventh manager that the Pozzo family have got through since 2012 – maybe they are waiting for Rafa.

Our local press are suggesting that some of the heroes who have lifted us to the dizzy heights of 17th (good enough for a small minded club like ours – although infinitely better than being 18th or 19th) may well be rested, with the manager giving some of the youngsters a run out.

Be careful, Sam. Watford is not a cheap day out for those of us scraping along on the pension, so we don’t want a situation like the one at Wolves a few years ago, when Steve Bruce did the same and we lost 2-1. A certain Jack (“I have absolutely no intention of playing in the Championship” – that should alert Bristol Rovers scouts) Colback made his debut there and was sent off after nine minutes on the pitch.

It’s always risky pushing youngsters and fringe players in and if Sam wanted to, he could leave the XI who have performed so well at home and play those who have been warming the bench and sitting in the stands. How about this for a mix and match line up;
Pickford; Jones, Beadling O’Shea, Van Aanholt; Rodwell; Honeyman, Larsson, M’Vila, Watmore; Defoe.
And bench warming; Stryjek, Yedlin, Brown, Cattermole, Borini, N’Doye, Greenwood.

Or maybe not.

It’s been an entertaining couple of days as we have enjoyed a Premier League class gloat at the outcome of Wednesday’s game. The party line is

“We didn’t relegate you, you managed it without any help from us”

but is nice to remind them that we strode over the line with two victories, one splendid and one comfortable while they slid away after a stuttering win over Palace and an abject failure of responsibility by their players and their manager, who hoped for a pinched goal against the Premier League’s worse side since Derby County.

There have been some good spoofs. I like the Newcastle Doon Ale and have installed it on my Facebook page and I have also enjoyed the cartoon called “F****d On The Tyne” a variation of that song Fog On The Tyne by the Tyneside folk-beat combo, Lindisfarne.

But the best one is the video that the work experience child has put together for The Chronicle. They have issued it in an attempt to get The Great Fraud Known As Rafa to stay at The Sports Direct. We couldn’t embed it in our page so to see it follow the link or type

into your browser, scroll down to the video, sit back with a bottle of Double Maxim (always a better beer than Down Ale) and, having sat open-mouthed at it (the video, that is, but don’t try to drink the beer with your mouth closed), go on to read the comments underneath. Then, find a needle and thread to stitch your sides up afterwards.

The only people more disappointed than the Geordie Nation at Wednesday’s result are the executives at Sky TV. Three weeks ago, when Leicester dropped points to West Ham and Jamie Vardy was sent off, they must have been rubbing their hands together at the prospect of having a final day where the Premier League title and the relegation places were decided in front of the Sky cameras.

The helicopter would have been booked, the ribbons would have been ordered and the studio would have been decked out in team colours – blue and white, white and navy, red and white, black and white and yellow and green. Jim White would have been polished and buffed, while Jeff Stelling would be practicing his best Hartlepool accent (“There’s a bit of chew at The Sports Direct as Dele Alli bites a chunk out of Steven Taylor”).

Alas, it was not to be. At the top end (an area of which we know absolutely bugger all), Spurs’ inability to beat any of the Baggies, the Pensioners and the Saints meant that the Foxes romped home with two games to spare.

At the bottom end (an area we know all too well), we strolled out of the bottom three as casually as Bertie Wooster wandered down The Strand on his way to the Drones Club, leaving the Avian Pair to occupy the last two relegation places. The prospect of Spurs winning the title or Newcastle staying up in front of the adoring Geordie Nation disappeared – and so did Sky’s Super Sunday.

What they have now is a North London showdown to finish second. Outside Chas and Dave and Rupert and Monty there won’t be too many concerned about that.

Then there is the Manchester connection, as The World’s Wealthiest Club, under departing manager Pellegrini, look for a point at Swansea to ensure a tie in the Champions League against TNS or Crusaders or Celtic, amongst others.
Meanwhile, Louis van Gaal, having been introduced to the cheeky and lovable cockneys at Upton Park, hopes that Swansea can do him a favour and that his stuttering Manchester United team can beat Bournemouth, a team who have fallen like a stone, to end up one place above us.

A nation yawns.

Hopefully, the play offs will prove to be a darn sight more exciting and interesting. I would love to see Sheffield Wednesday come up from the Championship, Barnsley (under former Sunderland player Paul Heckingbottom) climb out of Division One and welcome Newcastle United, with or without Rafa, to Oakwell, and Accrington Stanley (“Who are they? Exactly”) can negotiate their way out of Division Two. And that Grimsby Town can get back into the Football League on Saturday .

We can sit back and enjoy the summer with just a tiny bit of gloating……….

12 thoughts on “Sixsmith says: Something for the weekend, sir?”

  1. Better and better. The Mags are 2-0 ahead now but a plane is towing a banner over Sid James Park: “Auf Wiedersehen, Prem. Tyne to go…” The fans must be outraged (there’ll be a police horse or two punched later, I expect). I wonder if Ellis Short paid for it?

  2. The weekend just keeps getting better. The Mags are one up against Tottenham, the BBC running report says they’ve just had their best 24 minutes of the season and the fans are chanting, “Stand up if you love the Toon.”
    Too little, too late, bonnie lads and lasses… “Stand up if you’re gannin’ doon.”

  3. After the game, which I watched in the Dukes Head in Wallington, I had the pleasure of talking to two lasses who supported AFC Wimbledon. Both have been involved with the club since it was franchised and waltzed up the M1 to Milton Keynes. While it always good to see a northern club overcome a southern club and Accringto have their own tale, I was struck by the devotion of 2 people who had been a part fo the club from the start, gone through 9 tiers of football and were on the verge of another possible promotion.
    It shows that determination in whatever form is all part of supporting YOUR football club. I wish them well for the future. Oh yes and wasn’t that volley by Kone magnificent!

    • Damn it Mike , I tried to give you the thumbs up and hit the down one by mistake . I tried to remove it by pressing it again and it added another one ! Egg on face time of Colback proportions , apologies.

  4. the url to the chronicle video changed. I’ve put the new one in and the link’s working again

  5. The latest Mag line is to laugh at us for celebrating fourth bottom . Put like that it does sound sad , untill you look at in detail . We had a terrible start to the season , fact . We looked nailed on for relegation for 90% of it, fact . We completed 6 in a row over our bitterest rivals , fact . We’re unbeaten against them for 9 games in a row, fact . The 4 points taken off them if reversed would have sent us down not them, fact . We’re in the Premier next season while they’re not , fact .Jack Colback , fact .

    • Yes, the team since January (existing players as well as the new signings) had such an uphill battle, their efforts were worthy of celebration.

  6. You are right , Super Sunday is more of a slumber day. Who in the SAFC brethren really cares one jot who finishes fourth ?

Comments are closed.

Next Post