Fulham or Aberdeen: will the real Lily Allen stand up?


Once again, we wondered whether Lily Allen might be up for a contribution to our Who Are They? feature. Disregarding another Fulham fan who wrote in disparaging terms* to question her true allegiance – the Cottagers sic or Aberdeen – we duly invited her. With these results ,,,

Well, we put our questions to Lily Allen, famous for being a Fulham fan and probably game for such things … if only there wasn’t a brick wall in the shape of Murray Chalmers PR.

Last time we played Fulham, Murray’s charmer, Sarah, had a plausible excuse for a No: “Lily isn’t doing press.” (As if Salut! Sunderland could strictly speaking be called press, but we let that pass).

Cheered by her award at the Brits, Lily herself might just have entered into the spirit of things ahead of tomorrow’s return game at Sunderland. We reckoned without Murray’s charmers. Not so much as a reply this time, and you can bet your life the chanteuse was not consulted.

Not to be outdone, we imagined ourselves to by Lily, closely chaperoned by a Sarah, and supplied the missing responses:

Warmest congrats on the award. And on Fulham’s excellent season – if merely beating (Manchester) United last season was amazing, what was it like to hammer them and were you able to make it this time?

I am advised by Murray Chalmers PR to decline comment on these matters (beyond referring you to my reply to The Observer Sports magazine about whether I saw the previous victory over United: “No! I was really angry. I went to every Man United game, home and away, until two years ago, and we hadn’t beat them since 1945 or something. I was on the f***ing Ant and Dec show. My dad and grandad were there and I was sitting in my dressing room watching it. Even though obviously I wanted them to win I was like, ‘No! It’s not fair.’ And they f***ing won. I was so furious.”

Rich but quite small club; used to be poor and quite small, but cosy. Which is better?

Pass. My PR people don’t want me to seem to be size-ist, or indeed to be slagging off being poor or being rich. This is what I said in The Observer interview they allowed me to do: “I do get the sense that a lot of people who are there now (Craven Cottage) aren’t even Fulham fans. In fact, they’re probably Chelsea fans who can’t afford Chelsea tickets.”

Johnny Haynes: does the name mean as much to you as it does to older fans?

My PR people are not sure who you mean by that. They want to know if he was in a 70s band.

And links between Fulham and Sunderland: did Paul Bracewell, Andy Melville and Lee Clark cross your radar as a fan?

We love and respect them all.

Where will Fulham finish this season and do you hope to get to any of the remaining games?

Murray Chalmers feels it is not for me to say.

What will be the score on Sunday and how will you keep tabs on how it’s going/gone?

Again on advice, I’d simply say someone will win or it’ll be a draw. No comment otherwise.

Thanks for those entertaining and informative thoughts, Lil.

* Salut! Sunderland was also turned down by a Fulham fan named Col Bennett, who originally agreed to do a Q&A but then decided that if there was time either for that or for travelling to the Europa League game against Shakhtar Donetsk, but not both, we had to lose out.

He did share this ungallant thought, however:

“Lily Allen is a dopey bird, I think she supports Aberdeen more than us.”

(Maybe Dons fans will fill us in on the Aberdeen link … ed)

** The views of James Alexander Tizzard – the Fulham fan who did agree to speak out – can be read at this link.

*** Last word to Lily (Murray Chalmers folk were dozing):

Q: The Cottagers is an unfortunate nickname.

A: It’s brilliant. It’s fun. Shut up!

1 thought on “Fulham or Aberdeen: will the real Lily Allen stand up?”

  1. A teacher recommended that I check out your site. I’m happy that I’m here.

    Editor’s note: but we’re not, you cretinous – and now linkless – web parasite.

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