‘Dennis’ says ‘Why oh Why?’ Things to ponder in the summer break

Ken Gambles
Ken Gambles
Malcolm Dawson writes….it’s the silly season and all quiet on the transfer front. The Copa America and the Under 21 Euro’s will have something to do with the lack of finalised activity so far and many of the rumours will be no more than that, started by agents and clubs hoping to up the value of players they are looking to move on. Expect some positive news soon. And it’s not too long now until North Shields go to Berwick Rangers and an SAFC XI head for Ironworks Road, Tow Law to give Saturday afternoons some purpose again – if pre-season Northern League friendlies can be considered purposeful. But in the meantime here (courtesy of Ken Gambles) is a contribution from a Mr Dennis Whys who has been pondering the imponderable in the hiatus that summer brings.


The close season always brings an opportunity to reflect on the great imponderables concerning our national game, those which can probably be termed the ‘Why on Earths?’ Answering these conundrums surely will involve an intimate knowledge of philosophy, psychology, metaphysics and even the thought processes of Greg Dyke. I’m sure that you can add your own particular favourites (or more likely, pet hatreds). Here’s mine.

Why, when defenders are shepherding the ball out for a goal-kick, are they allowed to assault any forward trying to reach the ball? Some of the antics would not be out of place on WWE and yet no foul is given for what would possibly be a yellow card anywhere else on the pitch.

Why in added time do time-wasting, substitutions and injuries never get the extra time they merit? (Add to that goalkeepers taking ages to pick up the ball and then carry it to the other end of the six yard box before kicking their boots against the post and having a sip of water instead of taking a goal kick? MD)

Why do super-fit young athletes have such a poor sense of balance that the merest nudge can send them sprawling and contorted in pain? The body contact is usually no worse than in the checkout queue at the supermarket.

Why are players taking a corner so desperate to gain an extra 3cms outside the quadrant? Can it make any difference? Would it have meant that John Oster would have been able to clear the first defender?

Why do teams in possession some 20 or so yards from the opposition goal pass the ball back to their keeper who then hits it long back to the place where play was shortly before?

Why have the authorities not introduced “citing” (as in Rugby Union) whereby serious foul play or blatant cheating can be dealt with retrospectively? This might help to eradicate feigning injury and diving.

Why (I assume with confidence) are modern kits designed by primary school children? Surely no adult could create or find the Mags pondweed and slime away ensemble attractive, nor Man City’s two shades of purple with yellow twiddly bits!

Why when we are told season ticket money is largely irrelevant owing to mega TV deals do prices still go up? (I exempt SAFC from this charge as they seem to be aware of the need to keep prices affordable.)

Now a few Sunderland specific unanswerables.

Jake: 'Lee Cattermole -  modelling his range of Niall Quinn Disco pants"' with thanks to Jake
Jake: ‘Lee Cattermole – modelling his range of Niall Quinn Disco pants’

Why does Lee Cattermole pull his shorts up to his armpits probably cutting off circulation?

Why can Jozy score with abandon in Holland, the USA and in international football yet couldn’t hit the proverbial with Sunderland?

Why does the stadium announcer irritate so much? (As well as often getting the substitutions the wrong way round.) (Have you been to a 20/20 at Chester-le-Street? Now there’s irritating – MD)

Why do thousands leave early despite the scoreline and even on Sundays when traffic is no issue?

Why despite having similar demographics and social mix do the Mags wreck their city or punch horses after a home defeat? This is a serious question and could also take account of their penchant for pitch invasions (which the media have largely ignored.)

On windy days at the SOL why is there such a lacklustre attempt to gather litter at half-time?

Why are we always last on Match of the Day? (I think I know the answer to this one).

Why do Sunderland always seem to struggle in the Premier? The only common factor in perpetual failure, other than the crowd, is the kitman John Cooke. Perhaps it’s time to get rid of him (Only joking John )

Why are close seasons and international breaks such a pain?


Dennis Whys?

8 thoughts on “‘Dennis’ says ‘Why oh Why?’ Things to ponder in the summer break”

  1. Cattermoles shorts up to his armpits is a working class north east thing,when I was at school in the winter we used to pull up our caspers (blue colored shorts)up our bodies as far as we could to keep warm?As for Jozy,,,scoring in Holland and Internationals for him was easy,Holland only have a about 3 or 4 decent teams,plus they are soft as crap,Internationals,He was a duck out of water unless he was up against some crap teams from central america.For his time at sunderland,well that can be summed up in one word! Crap,Crap and more crap,he was bloody Crap!….Passing the time till the new season?

      • No Tom Courtney in The Loneliness of a long distance runner?..I had 2 pairs I bought in a Army & Navy store in Darlington in the 70’s,I gave one pair to sixer,when we played for our local pub on sunday mornings,I bet he still has them!

  2. I think that’s the danger, Ian, that kids imitate all the wrong things in the game which then becomes progressively worse.Old git views I know but you can’t help being annoyed about the current state of football

  3. Where the hell did all this shoving,pushing,holding come from at corner kicks,is the ref blind to whats going on in the penalty box.The refs must see it,so have some guts and give a few penalties or red or yellow cards,this would stop all this crap.I watched some kids last week and they were nearly tearing each others shirts off.As for blatant diving,i’d send them off everytime,that would stop them dropping as if a sniper was in the stands and also bring back 50/50 tackles that dont end up in being a free kick for some mysterious reason. Roll on the new season i’m going crazy!!!!!!!!!!

  4. Because rugby is a game for idiots played by gentlemen and football is a game for gentlemen played by idiots, or so my teacher used to say.

  5. Why is it in rugby the largest oaf wouldn’t dream of raising his voice to the referee, whilst in football officials are fair game to be sworn at and intimidated? Unfortunately, I’ve seen the trickle-down effect that this has in Sunday league games and kids’ local league games where refs are disrespected on a regular basis.

Comments are closed.

Next Post