So who do you think looks better?! @TeamMessi Do you think he tried to copy me?! ??? pic.twitter.com/EjHoNDYRRz
— Fabio Borini (@borinifabio29) July 24, 2016
Deputy Editor Malcolm Dawson has too much time on his hands these days. With transfer business still at an impasse, reports that Moyes might be interested in bringing Marouanne Fellaini to Wearside to join new look Fabio Borini, got him thinking about selecting a team based purely on the awfulness of their hairdos. It was reported a few years back that David Beckham paid £1000 to his personal coiffeur for an all over number two skinhead that he could have got for £4.50 up the Chester Road and it seems that some of today’s highly rewarded stars will splash the cash to achieve The Look [the French president Francois Hollande was revealed a couple of weeks back to be spending 10,000 euros a month of Monsieur/Madame’s taxes to no obviously compelling effect]. Now I’m sure Erin likes Fab’s restyle and no doubt she’ll let us know when she pops round to Sixsmith Towers for the cuppa and goss that she promised us last year via Twitter. Meanwhile here is Malcolm’s Bad Barnet XI. (He’s not keen on body art either – watch this space – Ed)
1. David Seaman: Tough call this one. David James has had some shockers but the Seaman ponytail takes the number 1 jersey. What were you thinking David – tribute to Francis Rossi perhaps? Or maybe the Pussycat Dolls?
2. Bacary Sagna: With Billy Jones our only recognised right back at the moment, what would I not give to see the Man City and former Arsenal defender on Wearside? I think I’d manage to put up with the plaits. Mind you Yedlin has interesting locks too and he may yet return.
3. Abel Xavier: No doubt who slips in at left back. The ex Liverpool and Everton man has had a range of dreadful dreads. This one typical.
4. Marouanne Fellaini: I shouldn’t think this man ever rides a motorbike. Even with a swimming cap on I wouldn’t have thought he’d be able to cram this lot into a crash helmet. He is actually six inches shorter than his officially listed height but I’d not be unhappy if the rumours are true and he reunites with Moyes. Rather have a recognised centre back first though.
5. Taribo West: Speaking of centre backs this ex Inter and AC man was an automatic choice. He played 42 times for the Super Eagles and 4 times for Plymouth Argyle. Maybe that explains the green.
6. Raul Meireles: Fenerbahce midfielder Raul Meireles spent time at Liverpool and Chelsea, two teams whose supporters have had more than their fair share of tonsorial nightmares to endure. Perhaps that’s where the Portugese picked up his penchant for perms. (OK I know it’s not a perm but I was getting all alliterative!)
7. Fabio Borini: Sorry Erin. Now I know you are a model, a fashion icon no less and I’m someone who still thinks loon pants are trendy, (Google it!) but I’m not enamoured with Fab’s Vera Duckworth inspired bleaching. Maybe if the eyebrows and beard had been done too it wouldn’t have been so bad but then you wouldn’t want him looking like the next name on the list.
8. Djibril Cisse: Ex-Sunderland man The Lord of the Manor of Frodsham upset the local Cheshire hunt when he refused them permission to go tally ho over his land. Some of his hairstyles got the locals chuntering too when he was out in public.
9. Bobby Charlton: Couldn’t leave out the king of the comb over. Sir Bobby looked 50 even when he was 25. What a player though. So good Hetton-le-Hole born legend Ralph Coates copied the look.
10. Giovanni Simeone Baldini – River Plate striker whose father was an Argentinean international. What does he think of his son’s barnet I wonder. A cross between Kung Fu’s Grasshopper and Little Britain’s Andy. Fabio I take it all back – your hair looks absolutely fabulous.
11. Chris Waddle – Ex Sunderland winger Chris Waddle’s mullet was truly dreadful. Twice as bad when his Diamond Lights partner Glenn Hoddle stood beside him. Still I’ll forgive anything after his brilliant free kick in the last league game at Roker Park. Glad it wasn’t a pelanty though!
Jason Lee – think Baddiel and Skinner and pineapples.
Mario Balotelli – where to start and will it ever end?
Rene Higuita – the not so blonde bombshell with the Shirley Temple curl.
Arturo Vidal – Ex Juventus and currently at Bayern Munich, the Chilean got his barber to create a scale model of the Andes to remind him of home.
Joe Cole – a Hammer with a ham fisted topknot.
Javier Margas – favourite shirt – haircut 100? Maybe not but nice to see them co-ordinated.
Andy Carroll – I know he’s an ex Mag but what was he thinking?
4 thoughts on “A cut above: Borini, Fellaini and Salut! Sunderland’s tonsorial team selection”
How can a Hetton lad leave out Ralph Coates and His Amazing Comb Over?
He did get a mention, just Bobby Charlton was even more famous for that particular look. For some reason it’s gone out of fashion ….
No East Durham bias in my team selection Peter. Shildon lads Donald and Davy Stott (we are redundant and we ask the questions) sported similar coiffures.
And this still makes me laugh – how sad!
And what about Carlos Valderrama? And Ronaldo (the original one) when he shaved off all his hair apart from the bit just above his forehead, bizarre!
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